When Finish Lines Feel Like Half Time – A Guest Post
We’ve been posting our medical updates through this site: http://posthope.org/buzfeed and this week Allison shared where we are at and what is next. I’m putting the post here because I am grateful for this community of people on the blog and wanted you to hear what was next. Without further ado:
On Friday, December 12th, Adam crossed the chemo finish line! It was an emotional and unforgettable day that you can read more about here.
When people ask Adam, “Does it feel so amazing to be done with chemo?” The answer typically evokes a wrinkling of the eyebrows followed by an oddly hesitant “yes”. In theory, Adam feels incredibly glad to be done with chemo. Chemo is crazy hard on a person’s body, mind, and spirit. So yes, he’s totally glad to be done, but he hesitates and responds with some ambivalence for a few reasons:
1. Adam still feels really bad. The chemo will stay in his system for months, but right now there’s still a lot of chemo in his blood so he’s still feeling very nauseous, achey, and cognizant of chemo.
2. Cancer is a terrible and unpredictable disease. The hope and prayer is that Adam’s done with chemo forever, but the reality is that the next few years will tell that story. It’s hard to not forebode joy at this juncture on the cancer journey.
3. The chemo finish line is really half-time. We’re up at the half, which is amazing. Adam’s blood levels indicate that there is no active cancer! So we pause and celebrate. But we feel like we can’t celebrate too long or hard, because…
…There’s still a whole second half to go. Adam will have 3-4 surgeries over the next few months to remove the tumors that remain in his body, and some of the surgeries are precarious. So, we remain in the tension of good news in the known and anxiety in the unknown.
And we’re back to waiting. We’re waiting for Adam’s body to recover so he can start surgeries. We’re waiting to see if all of the tumors can be safely removed. And we’re waiting to see if the tumors are, indeed, cancer free (which will be determined post-surgery).
So the truthiest truth in this moment is that we’re still scared. We’re not done yet. Please keep trekking with us, praying with us, and encouraging us.
We’re so grateful for our army of people!